It's good to see you

It’s Good to See You!

Greetings and salutations to you! Thank you for finding my blog. I hope you enjoy the read. And speaking of salutations, that’s going to be the topic for this introductory blog. 

Ordinarily, it seems like most people don’t give too much thought to salutations. We find our favorites, and we tend to stick with them. “Good morning!” “How you doing?” “Morning sunshine!” “Top o’ the mornin’ to ya, eh!” That last one is from my Canadian friend Rich, so the, “eh,” is mandatory.

I’d ignored thinking too deeply about salutations for my first 45 years or so (me avoiding deep thought on a topic is rare). Then when Celeste got sick, things changed. I started noticing that some, “How ya doing?” aren’t really questions. It’s more of a proxy for saying hello. During that time, I did have some people earnestly ask, “How are you?” But there is a difference in the eyes and posture of someone asking a sincere question in comparison to someone using the proxy version of hello. There are times and places to truly inquire about someone who is dealing with very serious issues. The busy coffee room, hallway, or the meeting table are not those places. 

Taking it a step further, I began to notice that some salutations were falling flat for me or downright missing the mark. Part of this is on me. I know folks meant well. But people who are experiencing dark days don’t always want to hear, “Good morning!” We aren’t so sure it’s good, and sometimes we start to weigh it. How do I judge this morning……An opportunity? Yes. Will I fight like hell today to make things better? Yes. Is it good? I’m skeptical. “Good morning,” often lands like a thud.

And if, “Good morning!” lands with a thud, “How ya doing?” lands like the last felled truffula tree in The Lorax. So many times, I’d stifle my true response, which was typically something like, “I’m doing terrible at this moment, thanks for reminding me.” Instead I’d usually mumble back something like, “Ok.” Or because I knew it wasn’t really a question but more a way of saying hello, I’d often just say something like, “Hey.” But in my mind, “How ya doing?” often landed with me thinking, “Well, I’m doing like shit. Let me tell you about my last 6 months and what I’ve seen and heard about life and death. And before you think I’m doing poorly, let me tell you about the brave lady who is really suffering.”  Nobody wants that, but on the receiving end dealing with what my family was dealing with, it was often hard work steering the mental ship to avoid those iceberg thoughts. 

Now, none of this is a knock on people who use those salutations. People mean well or at a minimum certainly don’t mean harm with salutations. They truly are trying to brighten your day. So I am not writing to chide anyone. I simply wanted to throw out a perspective from someone who after about 45 years realized, “Holy shit. My salutations are terrible.” Until I truly experienced some very difficult times, I never realized how off-the-mark my salutations could be at times. A significant percentage of people we greet are truly dealing with real and serious problems in their lives, and they deserve a better effort in our salutations. 

Also, the vast majority of my writing is a note to self, so I should say that people deserve a better effort in my salutations. They deserve better because now, years out of the truly dark days, I realize I’ve lapsed into the, “How you doing?” variety salutation far too often. 

I should know better because I came up with a solution, a salutation solution that is, with my friend and boss, the late great Steve Hawley. Steve and I spent hundreds if not over a thousand mornings chatting together while we supervised the morning walk-in of the high school students and staff. Typically, we would talk sports or our most frequent topic, middle-age man workouts, but occasionally we would pivot to something more meaningful. In those meaningful moments, Steve and I came up with a favored greeting: “It’s good to see you.”

To be sure, on the sending end, “It’s good to see you,” or, “Good to see you,” isn’t always the easiest to execute. You have to be sincere. Failure with, “Good to see you,” is not like failure with, “Good morning!” or, “How ya doing?” Failing with, “Good to see you,” comes off like sarcasm. Unintended lame salutations are better than intentional sarcastic ones.

So if you’re going to use, “Good to see you,” you better mean it. But sincerity is on the sender, and reminders to see people in a good light, in a caring way, are a beneficial exercise for making sure our hearts are in the right place. If too many people are outside my sincere, “Good to see you,” range, that’s a problem in myself that I need to fix because the world doesn’t need more bitterness. And I certainly don’t need that bitterness in myself. 

On the landing end of that salutation, “Good to see you,” gives the receiver two possibilities, both of which are good. First, no matter how crappy their day has been, it communicates that someone cares and thinks it’s good to see them. It isn’t even like saying, “Good morning,” which can prompt the question, “What’s good about it?” or the rejection of the opinion, “It’s not good on this end, Bud.” In my experience, “Good to see you,” is both disarming and charming. We can catch people off-guard and defenseless even on their bad days. At worst, perhaps, “Good to see you,” prompts the person to question why it is good to see them. Hopefully that leads to some warm self-reflection. Again, it has to be sincere and hopefully the receiver feels your sincerity. Sell the sincerity with your eyes, tone, and posture. Adjust your volume to the receiver. Quiet for the shy person. Louder for your good friends. Loudest for grandma who can’t hear unless you shout. 

The second thing it does is that it sets them free of responding. With, “How ya doing?” there’s sort of an implied response needed even if it doesn’t answer the question. The same with something like, “Good Morning.” As noted above, often, “Good morning,” prompts the internal question, “Is it?” or “What’s good about it?” but many times we simply follow-up one, “Good morning,” with another, “Good morning.” It’s sort of like a verbal handshake. But as with an extended hand, there’s a reciprocation factor. I feel like, “Good to see you,” eliminates the reciprocation factor. It simply sends a sincere message from me to you. You can reciprocate. You can nod. You can blush and look away. You could sneer and slink away. The response does not matter because the salutation is sent without implying that a response is needed. I said it was good to see you and I meant it. That’s it. 

All this is to say, let’s have a salutation revolution. Let’s choose them wisely and thoughtfully. 

“Good to see you,” happens to be my personal favorite salutation at the moment. There are certainly other great ones out there, and I hope this has given you some food for thought. We will all benefit from additional variety and care in our world of greetings. I’d love for you to share your salutations in the comments. 

Welcome to my new site and new blog. It is definitely good to see you!