The Proving Ground

One of the keys to life, or so we've been told, is to be satisfied or content with where you are and what you have. This is great advice for some, but it can be really difficult for people who have experienced the loss of a partner. It can feel a bit like cheating to look around and be happy and content with what remains after loss. It's not that what remains is unappreciated, unloved, or unworthy. It's simply that the loss is too great a chasm to cross at the moment.

A different approach is often useful for people who have experienced devastating loss. In the Moving Forward Program, we call this approach finding a proving ground.

A proving ground is simply an activity, hobby, artistic pursuit, anything to get you moving in some direction. It can be physical, and some of the best are, but it need not be rigorous. It can also be purely intellectual. It simply has to move you physically, intellectually, or emotionally.

It should be something you can do daily, or at least 5 or more times a week. It should become part of one's daily ritual, and one ought to be able to prove that they are growing in some way through the pursuit of this thing. Hence the term proving ground.

If this is for you (and it can be a great thing for you whether or not you've experienced loss) to help you get unstuck, don't be afraid to try new proving grounds and drop them for others. Changing a proving ground is no big deal. This should be enjoyable. If it isn't, just drop it and find something more enjoyable. The point is to keep Moving Forward.

Even if you aren't ready for a proving ground, do something, anything, to get going.

Put one foot in front of the other.

If you aren't up yet, so to speak, just stand up.

Crawl.

Roll out of the fetal position.

Call for help.

Keep Moving Forward. You've got this, even when it feels like you don't.